The Higgins Hamburger

Ingredients:
1 baby cow
1 tomato, sliced
1 piece of lettuce
2 pieces of bread (or toast if you live near a bakery)


The Higgins Hamburger uses only the finest U.S. commercial beef from only the cutest little baby cows. Quite the opposite of Kobe-Style beef, the little animals spend their lives in tiny metal crates to ensure their flesh is at maximum tenderness when it hits the skillet.

Preparation: Butcher 1 baby cow. Cut 1 chunk of meat out of its leg, about the size of a deck of cards, and throw out the rest. Butter a skillet, throw in leg meat, cook until slightly burnt on the outside and warm on the inside. If you have a meat thermometer and can jab it inside with only minimal force, it's done. Put the patty (which is what the meat is called once cooked) in between the bread. Make a salad with the tomato and lettuce. Perfect when complimented with Vegan Stuffed Peppers, recipe below. Enjoy.