One sunny, warm, soothing August morning, Carl packed the wife and kids into his food cart to go to the local Bristol Police Department for a job interview. He was not qualified enough to become a cop because of his past criminal record (theft, shop lifting, public nudity, harassment, thinking the giant M in the Mcdonalds near the mall was a vert ramp, dfcui [driving the food cart under the influence] and a hit and run that involved a Mexican on a scooter and a crack head crossing the street). Instead Carl was getting an interview to become the mayor of Bristol, so he thought…
He went into the interview, dressed appropriately of course. He wore one of his finest leisure suits from 1976. He also brought a briefcase that he found with his best friend Uncle Wayne, who we will talk about soon enough. The only thing Carl forgot to do was look in the mysterious briefcase before going on the interview. When Carl went into the interview he looked around and realized that it wasn't an interview. He was set up by the infamous K-Dog, Kev Dog, or Kev Rock (which ever you prefer). Two men jumped on Carl and took the briefcase from him. Carl was so confused, he then started to cry and piss himself, due to all of the Busch Lights he shotgunned before entering. This was the worst day ever for Carl. In the briefcase were15 golden hotdogs, recently stolen from the World Hot Dog Fair. Carl was unaware but he fit the profile of the thief.
After 13 exhausting years, Carl was released from prison and ready for an adventure…who would take the adventure with him you ask? None other than his best friend and seaman Uncle Wayne (aka Waynus, Paynus, Wayne the Pain, Dirty W, William Wallace, Crazy Eyes, Blood Bath and Back Breaker).
Uncle Wayne and Carl were once a famous duo around town. Carl would drive the food cart drinking Busch while wearing a tank top and cut off jean shorts, while Uncle Wayne would sit in the passenger seat, smoke cigarettes and drink rum out of a canteen he won off of the Wizard (crazy bum in Bristol). They would regale each other with the tales from their glory days.
These mostly centered around the time they met the Doobie Brothers back in 1978. Michael McDonald was just a young, grey bearded, heart breaking wonder at this point. Uncle Wayne and Carl fell madly in love with Michael McDonald. Uncle Wayne even grew a beard to match Michael's (which he still has to this day, please see below). They followed Michael all around the country in Carl's brand new food cart, feeding Michael hot dogs and french fries at every tour stop. Eventually Michael fell in love with Carl and Uncle Wayne as well, but the pressures of life on the road and society's unaccepting view of their relationship put an end to the Uncle Wayne - Carl - Michael McDonald tryst. Which brings us to up to today, the date of Carl and Uncle Wayne's infamous fishing trip.
To Be Continued...
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